Domestic Violence Defined

In Washington State, any criminal act committed by one family or household member or intimate partner against another family or household member or intimate partner may be considered a crime of domestic violence.  But domestic violence – or intimate partner violence – is not just physical violence, or criminal behavior. It's any behavior intended to gain or maintain power and control over a spouse, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend or a family or household member. When one person maintains power and control over another person, that is abuse.

There are some signs of domestic violence and abuse that are not criminal, but are equally concerning, and something to be aware of. Recognizing the signs could help you stay safe. Below are concerning behaviors to be aware of.

Someone who is abusive may:

• Act jealous or possessive and say it is out of love.
• Isolate you by making it difficult or impossible to be with your family or friends.
• Blame you for their behavior, saying "you're making me do this to you."
• Get angry unpredictably or in a way that scares you.
• Blame you, others, alcohol, stress, depression, etc., for their violent behavior.
• Belittle or make fun of your concerns and fears about your relationship.
• Act differently in public than in private.
• Threaten to take your children and claim you won't see them again.
• Make promises to change but does not follow through.
• Threaten to report you to immigration or to destroy your papers.
• Threaten to "out" you, or your relationship to family, friends or work.
• Destroy or threaten to destroy your things.***
• Physically grab, shove, push and harm you.***
• Threaten to hurt you, themselves, your family members, your friends, or your pets.***
• Touch you in a way that hurts or scares you, or in any way that you do not want to be touched.***
• Force sex or sexual acts in ways or at times that are not comfortable for you.***

Some behaviors are especially dangerous:

• Controlling most or all of your activities, to include who you see or speak to.
• Threatening to kill themselves.
• Threatening to kill you, especially if the abuser has access to weapons.***
• Following you, showing up at locations unexpectedly, attempting to locate you through technological means,  stalking type behavior.***
• Strangling, choking.***
• Causing you physical harm while you are pregnant.***

Those marked with *** may be considered criminal and can be reported to the Monroe Police Department.